Counselling coupled with mindfulness, are very effective tools for changing your negative automatic thoughts and core beliefs so that you can live a happier life. if you have experienced trauma in your early years, you have most likely internalised some negative core beliefs possibly to do with the self, others, the world, and the future. Core beliefs usually begin with an “I am” statement such as I am worthy or I am lovable. If you have had a warm loving childhood and felt loved by your parents, you have most likely developed the core belief that I am lovable. It is our underlying core beliefs that create the lens through which we look out into the world and perceive our surroundings. Most of us have a range of positive and negative core beliefs. However, if you have had early traumatic experiences you may have a few more negative core beliefs. It is our core beliefs that determine how we relate to ourselves, others life events, and even the future. It is our core beliefs which fundamentally drive us. Our core beliefs become stored in our subconscious mind and operating outside our conscious awareness. You can think of your core beliefs as the roots of a tree. The roots of the tree lead up to the trunk and eventually to the branches which represent our assumptions or rules by which we live. For example, a negative core belief such as I am not lovable may give rise to a negative assumption such as I need to please others to be loved. The branches of the tree eventually give rise to leaves which represent our automatic thoughts. Our automatic thoughts are those thoughts that we are most consciously aware of and have access to. If you pay attention or are mindful to your everyday thinking, it is your automatic thoughts that you will become aware of.
Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) Is a mainstream type of psychotherapy or talk therapy. Simply described, the theory behind CBT is that your cognitions or thoughts create your feelings or emotions which in turn, drive your behaviours. For example, if you think a negative thought, you will experience a negative emotion and most likely if you are unaware, act out a negative behaviour. The core beliefs that we have internalised usually in our childhood, determine our automatic thoughts. If we were subject to repetitive criticism, harsh discipline or abuse, we may form the belief that we deserve to be punished, that we deserve only bad things and that others are punishing. These negative core beliefs may give rise to assumptions such as, I must be perfect or I will be punished. Certain situations where a person exhibits a certain tone of voice or a look or acts in a similar way to our parents, may give rise to negative automatic thoughts such as I did something wrong. In turn, this negative automatic thought may give rise to a negative emotion such as anxiety or sadness.
It is our interpretation of events, that is, it is our thoughts about events, not the event itself that determines how we feel. That is why two different people can feel very differently about the same situation. Two different people with two very different upbringings will have two sets of very different core beliefs. Consider two people walking down the street and see someone they know avoid their gaze as they pass them by. The person with the positive core belief of, I am lovable may have an automatic thought such as, “maybe they’re going through a lot right now and don’t want to talk to anyone”. The person with the core belief of, I am not lovable may interpret that person’s actions as rejection and thus have negative automatic thoughts such as “what have I done wrong” or “why don’t they like me”. In turn these negative automatic thoughts may give rise to negative emotions such as guilt, shame, sadness or even anger. Subsequently, these negative emotions may lead to negative responses such as avoiding that person or confronting that person. Subsequently creating unnecessary confusion, distress and negativity.
A person who has a high frequency of negative automatic thoughts is more likely to experience depression. Various counselling techniques that incorporate the theory of CBT, are helpful at combating depression and anxiety. Counselling begins with evaluating the validity of your thoughts using dialogue within the therapy session and exploring the origin of these thoughts. Socratic questioning and the downward arrow technique are specific counselling techniques which employ questions to seek out the evidence for and against negative automatic thoughts. Through inviting the client to repeatedly evaluate and challenge their negative automatic thoughts and assumptions, their underlying core beliefs may be revealed. Once a persons core beliefs have been identified, various other counselling techniques and psychotherapy tools such as EMDR therapy can be utilised to change these core beliefs at the fundamental level. Avoidance is one of the greatest obstacles to self-transformation. By avoiding certain situations that calls us to feel anxious, we are denying ourselves the opportunity to disconfirm certain core beliefs. We are narrowing down our life experiences and limiting our ability to experience life in new and different ways. In combination with behavioural experiments, such as exposing oneself to situations that cause one fear, a person can learn to transform their negative core beliefs into positive ones. By providing opportunities that allow us to see that what we are projecting onto our surroundings is not accurate nor true we are developing courage, tolerance, flexibility and an open mind. Social anxiety is a good example to use here. When we insulate ourselves from others by withdrawing and isolating, we are reinforcing the negative core beliefs because it decreases anxiety and makes us feel comfortable. But we are only denying ourselves the opportunity to experience positive mirroring and reflections from others. We need to have the courage to go against the anxiety. That is, feel of fear and do it anyway. By working backward from the automatic thoughts to the core beliefs, a counsellor can help the client to become aware of the distortions in their thinking and the false assumptions or rules by which they are living. They can reshape or modify their core beliefs. Rather than allowing ones negative thoughts to go unchecked and believing them at face value, a client can begin to examine and evaluate their thoughts. By examining one’s thoughts, a client can then begin to diffuse or separate from their thoughts. With practice overtime, a person can begin to develop a repertoire of more positive helpful thoughts. The goal is to eventually reshape one’s belief system, replacing negative beliefs with ones that makes you feel rational, peaceful, calm, happy, and optimistic. When you increase the frequency of your positive thoughts, this will inevitably lead to a higher frequency of positive feelings and emotions. When you are feeling more positive, you’re more energised and motivated and you are more inclined to respond or behave in a positive way. When you are feeling in such a positive way, you will attract happier and healthier people and situations into your life. Your life is a manifestation of your thoughts. You can change your life one thought at a time. Life is like a mirror, what you give out, you receive back in return. If you are projecting the beliefs that you are lovable, worthy and good enough, people will reflect that back to you with their actions mirroring exactly how you feel about yourself. The outside world only works to reinforce what you already have with inside of you. You attract what you believe you are.
Practices such as yoga and meditation are effective at cultivating mindfulness, self-awareness and consciousness. These practices compliment counselling and psychotherapy. Affirmations and practicing gratitude are ways to increase the frequency of your positive thoughts. Developing affirmations which target and neutralise common negative thoughts can increase ones frequency of positive feelings. If you are wanting to change the relationship with yourself, please don’t hesitate to book in for a counselling session with Simone at Harmony Counselling services Gold Coast.