LOW SELF-ESTEEM OR SELF-CONFIDENCE

Day to day living can be more difficult when you are holding onto feelings of low self-worth.Those suffering from anxiety and depression find it difficult to break out of negative self-defeating cycles because of underlying feelings of low self-worth.Often thosewho have been living with low self-worth, have forgotten who they are. They’ve either forgotten or not experienced what it feels like to betheir true selves or to feeltruly alive, happy and free. They have ignored, denied and repressed these uncomfortable feelings for so long, that they are unaware they are doing do. It has become a way of coping and getting on with life.

People who have endured abuse at some point in their lives often didn’t have the support they needed to cope orunderstand their feelings at the time. So now later when the uncomfortable feelings arise, they find it difficult to face and resolve them, some hoping they will just go away by themselves. At Harmony Counselling Services, we are here to support you to face your fears and resolve any feelings of low self-worth. We strive to provide a safe, supportive and nurturing environment for you to feel acknowledged, listened to and understood.

The beliefs we have about ourselves have a direct influence over our feelings and behaviours. Any negative beliefs we have about ourselves can adversely affect how we feel, the choices we make and how we behave. Our beliefs influence our perceptions, how we relate to others and how we react to situations in life.Once these negative beliefs have become firmly entrenched within us, they can begin to corrode our self-worth and undermine our capacity to be positive and happy. The inner conflict with these negative beliefs can cause mental fatigue and lead to feelings of powerlessness, hopelessness and despair. Over time low self-esteem can take its toll, having a direct impact on the quality of a person’s life in so many ways. Unfortunately, low self-esteem can lead to anxiety disorders, depression, substance abuse, addictions, self-harming and suicide.

The experiences you have had in your life, particularly your childhood, create the beliefs you have about yourself.The first few years of a child’s life are most important in setting the foundation and establishing self-worth. It is those earliest experiences that have the most significant impact on our self-esteem and self-worth and which determine a person’s future perception of themselves and of life itself.The relationships and interactions a child haswith family members, teachers, peers and the wider community have the most significant impact on how a child perceives themselves as an adult today.

Early negative experiences such as abuse, neglect, consistent punishment, rejection and criticism from significant people such as parents or teachers are often the greatest cause of low self-esteem.Feeling different or like the odd one out at school or home can cause a child to feel withdrawn, isolated and alone. Being on the receiving end of other people’s anger and stress combined with the absence of love, warmth and affection,or lack of interest, praise and encouragement can all contribute to feelings of inadequacy and low self-worth.

People who have had more negative experiences at an earlier age, can often perceive the world more negatively and think more negatively about themselves than those who have had more positive experiences.However, a person’s self-esteem can also be adversely affected by negative experiences later on in life. Abusive relationships, ongoing financial stress, persistent health issues, the loss of a loved one and workplace bullying and intimidation can all significantly affect our self-worth, or even compound and exacerbate existing feelings of low self-esteem. Over time these can chip away at our self-belief and self-worth, leading to feelings of self-doubt, anxiety, failure, powerlessness,hopelessness and depression.

Usually the beliefs and opinions that are formed about ourselves in early childhood are based on a child’s egocentric perception rather than on reality. If a child is not supported and nurtured in times of need, they can easily form inaccurate and biased perceptions of themselves and the world around them. They can often blame themselves for events occurring even though they are not with their control. A child doesn’t develop the capacity to filter their experiences until around the age of 9 years old. They are still relying on their parent’s guidance and support while they are developing their own ability to interpret, process and understand what their feelings mean.At this early age, a child can often believe that when something bad happens, it is because of them and that they caused it so in turn they take responsibility for it. Unless they have it explained to them, they lack the mental capacity to critically evaluate the situation from an expanded adult perspective. Unfortunately, due to a lack of information and mental development, false beliefs and distorted perceptions are formed about themselves.

Once formed, these beliefs are usually deep seated and go on to impact the child’s future perceptions as an adult. They become the child’s future reference point for all of theirexperiences and choices in life.These formed beliefs become the template from which the child bases their life.Based on the perceptions and beliefs created as a child, a person will continue to repeat patterns of thinking and behaving, which only strengthen over time.Over time, these beliefs become reinforced and strengthened because you give weight and attention to anything that is consistent with your current beliefs and because you discount anything that is not. You begin to see your beliefs as statements of truth, where as in reality, they are only opinions.

Negative personal opinions caused by the beliefs that we are unlovable, unworthy, inadequate, defective, incompetent or not good enough, can begin to corrode our self-worth and undermine our capacity to live a happy and fulfilling life.These beliefs are often the underlying causes of unhappiness, deep insecurity, and depression. However, with the appropriate healing techniques, old sabotaging self-defeating patterns of thinking and behaviour can be eliminated and new positive and empowering patterns can be learnt.

At Harmony Counselling Services, we will help you to rebuild your self-worth and confidence through increasing your awareness and understanding of the patterns that have been holding you back. We will help you to examine and change any underlying patterns of thinking that have been keeping you in a self-perpetuating cycle of despair. We will provide you with a safe, supportive and nurturing environment that will help you to face your fears and let go of any limiting beliefs and perceptions that are preventing you from living your best life.