PERFECTIONISM AND CONTROL ISSUES

Often people who strive for perfection are unaware that their controlling habits are stemming from a deeper underlying sense of inadequacy and low self-worth. It is not until they become overwhelmed with the additional burden and stress they are placing on themselves that they realise something is wrong. Those who strive for perfection often become so focused on gaining a sense of control through striving to be perfect, they lose sight of the bigger picture, often getting bogged down in the details. This can make life complicated, restricted and lacking in spontaneity and joy. The amount of energy they exert in maintaining these standards can be exhausting and does nothing to ever really solve the deeper underlying issue. Perfectionists are often unaware that are trying to correct or compensate for something they subconsciously feel they are lacking.

Any sense of contentedness and pleasure they do experience when achieving something of real value to them, is often temporarily and short-lived. It does nothing to quell the deeper sense of lack and inadequacy they feel inside. It is only a superficial and temporary ‘fix’ that usually fades before the discontent sets back in and they are once again striving for the next sense of achievement. This becomes a never-ending cycle of joyless living and addiction to satisfying a deeper need within through gaining external rewards. However, without the real cause ever being addressed, this pattern only becomes consolidated and reinforced through repetition.

Therefore, perfectionists never really get to experience real contentedness and peace. They often feel anxious and restless if they are not achieving and unable to relax and accept themselves the way they are.The high expectations they place on themselves causes them to feel like a failure when they do not achieve to the level they desire. They are often very hard on themselves and punish themselves further when they don’t reach the standard’s they’ve set for themselves.Their sense of control and self-worth is often dependent upon extrinsic rewards in the form of achievements. Perfectionists can often suffer from cycles of emotional highs and lows, anxiety, stress and emotional overwhelm which can lead to adrenal fatigue and depression. They can find it very difficult to relax and live in the moment and experience a sense of well-being and joy.

There are some very positive benefits that are gained from having high standards, such as efficient time management, the setting of goals, planning and motivation. However, the pressure and stress perfectionists experience as a result of having such rigidly high standards, often outweighs those positive benefits. The never-ending pursuit of meeting their own self-imposed expectations places a large burden on their mental, emotional and physical health. Perfectionists are usually highly self-critical, judge themselves harshly and base their self-worth on their ability to meet inflexibly high standards.

They are often very inflexible and rigid in their planning and become very anxious and stressed when they don’t achieve their goals. Perfectionists often minimise their accomplishments and successes and compare themselves negatively to others even when they do achieve their goals. The glass is usually always half empty, without really gaining any real long-lasting sense of satisfaction and contentedness.

We at Harmony Counselling Services will help you to become more aware of the underlying beliefs and thinking patterns causing your perfectionism.We will help you recognise the connection between your patterns of thinking and behaviour, and the effect these are having on your emotional well-being. At Harmony Counselling Services we will help you let go of any disempowering beliefs and negative thinking patterns which are keeping you stuck in a cycle of perfectionism. We are here help you create a happier, more balanced and fulfilling life.